


miss you like hell

by TheWeatherOutside



Series: Take Us Home [4]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Adopted, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Orphans, mentions of grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27526240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeatherOutside/pseuds/TheWeatherOutside
Summary: There's something troubling Alan, and Virgil wants to find out what it is.
Series: Take Us Home [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973725
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	miss you like hell

Virgil rode the elevator up to the observation deck, which was the last place he had yet to check.

The doors opened and sure enough, he saw his youngest brother sitting cross legged on the floor of the deck. He was leaning back on his hands and staring absently out the windows. He didn't even react as Virgil arrived.

"So, this is where you are," Virgil said as he went over to sit next to Alan.

Alan finally looked up, but he only glanced over at Virgil before his eyes moved back to outside. The brief look that Virgil caught on his brother's face was enough to indicate that something wasn't right.

"What's up?" Virgil leant in closer so he could see Alan's face better as he looked away.

Alan just shrugged and mumbled, "it's nothing."

Virgil frowned, his brow furrowed deeply at how easily Alan brushed him off.

"It's clearly not nothing." Virgil took in the way Alan's shoulders were slightly hunched and his eyes looked a little red, like he had maybe been crying recently, or at least had watery eyes.

Alan looked back up at Virgil and opened his mouth as if to reply, but he snapped it shut almost as quickly and turned to face forward again. Virgil didn't press him any further, as he knew Alan would talk eventually, he just needed time to get his words together.

When he did eventually speak, his shoulders slumped and his hands moved from the ground to play with the hem of his shorts.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Where Alan moved to sit up, Virgil moved to copy his previous position and leant back on his hands. He knew his little brothers, and there wasn't anything they had thrown at him that he couldn't help them with, at least so far.

Alan let out a deep sigh and finally turned to face Virgil without looking away again, and Virgil knew he was going to spill what was on his mind. Alan was always the easiest brother to get through to.

"Do you ever think about your parents?"

Of all the things that Virgil imagined could have been troubling his brother, that was not at all what he had been expecting, and Virgil was taken aback. He sat up again.

"What? You mean dad?"

"No," Alan shook his head as his fingers continued to play with a loose thread hanging off the end of his shorts. "I mean your birth parents."

Virgil was at a loss for what to say for a moment. Not because he didn't know what to say, because he did, but rather because the question was so out of the blue.

"Not really, no," he eventually replied once the shock had worn off. "What brought this on all of a sudden?"

Alan shrugged like he didn't know why, but he still answered the question.

"Today is..." He paused, took a deep breath, and swallowed. "Today is the day that they died."

"Oh, Alan, I'm so sorry. I didn't remember."

Virgil placed his hand on Alan's shoulder, but Alan just waved him off with a smile that didn't meet his eyes.

"It's fine. _I_ don't even remember a lot of the time." His eyes grew distant and his voice followed. "But it's been fifteen years now, and sometimes I can't help but wonder..."

Virgil knew what he wanted to say. He wondered what it would be like if things went differently, if none of them ended up here. Virgil would have filled in the end of Alan's unsaid words himself, but he knew he didn't need to. They both knew what he was saying.

"I feel bad for thinking it," Alan continued anyway. "I feel like I shouldn't miss them, I don't even _remember_ them, but-"

"But they were still the ones who brought you into this world." This time Virgil did finish his sentence.

Alan nodded.

"I know it wasn't for long, but they still raised me. They were still my parents, if only for a couple of months."

"Alan," Virgil's hand moved from his shoulder to Alan's hand, to stop him from pulling the entire thread out of his clothes. "It's okay to miss them. Dad wouldn't blame you for that. _We_ don't blame you for that."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know." Alan shook his head slightly, as if his thoughts were all jumbled up and he was trying to tip out of all the unreasonable ones. The ones he knew weren't worth spending time dwelling over. "Just can't help but think about it, you know?"

Virgil did know. Maybe not in the same way as Alan, or the rest of his brothers, but it was hard to never consider the possibility that things could have turned out a whole lot differently. That their _family_ could have been so different to what it was like now.

He was happy with the way things had turned out, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty that so many bad things had to come before for things to end up this way.

"Do you really never think about them, though?" Alan brought the conversation back to Virgil's previous answer. "Don't you wish you knew who they were? Don't you wonder about them?"

"Sometimes." Now it was Virgil's turn to look out of the window as he thought about the question. "But then I think about you and Gordon, even John. You guys have such pain tied to your pasts, that I don't mind not knowing. It makes it easier."

"To forget?" Alan's voice was small as it piped up next to him.

"To not worry." Virgil turned back to him and smiled. "Sure, I wish I knew when my birthday was, or where I'm from. I suppose it would be nice to know whether my parents are still out there, and why they gave me up. But honestly?"

He gave Alan's hand a squeeze where they were still held together.

"I think all that happened for a reason. I think I'm meant to be here, that this is meant to be my home."

The two of them fell into a silence as Alan thought about Virgil's words, and Virgil watched his brother to see if that was all he wanted to talk about and there wasn't anything else bothering him.

After several, long moments, Alan's features appeared to relax, and he dropped the tension he seemed to have been holding.

"I think that too."

Virgil smiled at his brother's words. He sounded lighter, like he was no longer carrying the worries he once was.

"Are you alright now?" Virgil asked, wanting to make sure Alan really was better than when he'd found him.

"Yeah," Alan nodded with a smile, and then his eyes moved back to the window and the horizon beyond. "But I do think I'll stay up here for a bit longer."

"Alright." Virgil took that as his cue to leave and he stood up, stretching his limbs, before he made his way back over to the elevator.

"Virgil?"

Virgil turned towards the voice as he waited for the elevator doors to open.

Alan was still sat on the floor, but he was looking up at him.

"I think that you are right. But it's not just you, it's all of us."

Virgil raised an eyebrow as he questioned what Alan meant, and Alan continued.

"This is where we're all meant to be."

Virgil smiled at those words and Alan smiled back. The doors behind Virgil opened and he stepped back into the elevator. He rode back down to the rest of the villa, those words heavy, but warm, in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Virgil celebrates his birthday on the day Jeff adopted him, as they don't know when he was actually born.


End file.
